Anxiety

So I hope I sleep tonight. But its not likely. I took the sleep aide that is just benadryl..with a "Sleep" name..It rarely helps much. I'm so tense. This weekend is the bday party that always stresses me. Its for my son but he doesn't know the family dynamics. So all is fine for him. Its me and my sister that freak out. One family member not speaking to another, another who speaks only a little to one..weird dynamics that just aren't easy to explain in one posting..but suffice it to say that it is just not comfortable for me and yet i do this to myself every year. There HAS to be a better way. Next year has to be different. Whether i have separate get togethers for some than others i just don't know. I'm frazzled. Also I live in a cute house--but one set of family members lives in a mansion of sorts..so having them to my house feels weird. I want to hide under the covers till Saturday is over but I can't. I have always had longterm anxiety but handle it well for the most part. Sometimes though (like this month) i feel like I'm losing out to it. I don't like that. Not one bit.