so far away

that complete and utter calm by the ocean-feeling seems so far away.. its actually two months ago at this point..and right now feels so opposite of that..that it hurts. sometimes you don't know until you are IN a job how stressful/and draining it is..until you are IN it. I've worked in this profession for years and loved it. Just not this grade level. So I now know that its not my favorite..and its not something i can change until i finish this ten month job. After that I can switch and I will..because this is not meant for me. This year must be my year to learn the hard way however..ocean calm feelings won't be here..and for a variety of reasons..and working with a person who is tightly wound (my coworker) can make you feel tightly wound yourself..so that is no fun. I am learning though. I will not do this again next year..I miss the smell of the ocean and the sand beneath my feet and the way my blood just smoothly ran thru my veins instead of jumping and tightening..I feel stuck. Stuck because there is no walking away when you're in this business and just want another age group to work with because that's where you work best. You stick it out and finish..and then make your change..ten months of feeling stuck isn't good. I hope I can get through the ten months and be ok. I've lost weight without trying..and weekends go too fast.