Anxiety

So I hope I sleep tonight. But its not likely. I took the sleep aide that is just benadryl..with a "Sleep" name..It rarely helps much. I'm so tense. This weekend is the bday party that always stresses me. Its for my son but he doesn't know the family dynamics. So all is fine for him. Its me and my sister that freak out. One family member not speaking to another, another who speaks only a little to one..weird dynamics that just aren't easy to explain in one posting..but suffice it to say that it is just not comfortable for me and yet i do this to myself every year. There HAS to be a better way. Next year has to be different. Whether i have separate get togethers for some than others i just don't know. I'm frazzled. Also I live in a cute house--but one set of family members lives in a mansion of sorts..so having them to my house feels weird. I want to hide under the covers till Saturday is over but I can't. I have always had longterm anxiety but handle it well for the most part. Sometimes though (like this month) i feel like I'm losing out to it. I don't like that. Not one bit.

Summer's End

.well..I don't know why they flew Karr all the way here from Thailand. I could have saved them the trouble and told them he wasn't guilty. Heck..most of us could have figured that out. If you can't get the facts right yet you insist you did the crime, something isn't right. I guess now they may be able to get him on other charges related to other situations. He's a sicko no matter how you look at it. Somehow I believe he should be charged with a crime just for telling people details about a sick crime he didn't commit. If he can think up those details about a young girl, he's got no right to be out and about in the world IMO. .Life is busy..I start school in a week but I have been working like crazy at getting my classroom prepared. Also readying my house for a yearly birthday party that brings all of my family members together at once. Its never my favorite thing. I keep wondering when I will finally break down and request Xanax. .RockStar has been uneventful. Not as good as last year. And after seeing Dilana's bitchy side I just don't want her to win. She's mean. She's selfish. She's mean. We all saw it. Put us out of our misery and choose the winner already. How many weeks are left of this?? Soon it will be time for Grey's Anatomy. That will make me smile. I tried watching Windfall this summer. Its so full of depressing and downward spiral drama. Not much in the way of fun or cheeriness. At least on Grey's there's always some glimmer of something that makes you smile. We started watching season 1 of "Lost" on DVD. Pretty good stuff. I'm hooked on that. .Summer is nearly over..I can still hear the chirping of the crickets. I always try to notice when the last chirp is heard as I head into autumn. I never seem to remember when that is. Vacation at the ocean awaits me in 10 more months :). But until then there's the chill in the air with crisp leaves falling to the ground..and bare bleak November..Holiday season and tree decorating..all good things in their own way. I'm tired tonight and my anxiety level has been high this week. Remembering good things helps me. I always read blogs about people who are trying or have tried meds for their anxiety. But I keep telling myself I can handle it. Plus then I'd be anxious about the meds side effects. So its easier for me to plow through it all and create relaxation wherever I can...peace.

WTF

Pardon my abbreviated French..but is anyone else saying WTF!? regarding this suspect in the JonBenet case? I mean at first I was like "Good. Thank God" they've got the guy. But now I'm thinking he's a wacko just wishing he were involved and it still doesn't make sense. He's got all the facts wrong that the public knows about. He's supposedly been researching this case for years and if that's true, why does he have the facts ALL wrong??? He says he picked her up from school-there was no school that day. He says it was an accident--facts prove otherwise. And he says he drugged her--autopsy results also prove otherwise. So either he's disturbed and stupid, or disturbed and forgetful. I just can't figure that out. I really had hoped they'd finally gotten someone after the years of finger pointing that family has had to endure.

life

Life is so busy and that makes me blog much less..I go through spurts of enjoying to blog and then periods where I just don't have the energy to blog. I'm getting my classroom ready, (whatever happened to pencils and paper, chalkboards and books? Now its 320 books for each subject, game pieces, manipulatives, big books, little books, dry erase boards, word cards, picture cards, graphs, math tool kits, math charts, science charts, weather charts..you name it. First graders use it!!!! :).. I'm planning the yearly birthday party for my child who is in his last year of double digits before teen years (Lord help me to accept his growing older..), I am trying to get my house completely organized before school starts, I am enjoying books, writing, watching the season 1 DVDs for Lost, Spending time with my bestfriend/husband..and looking at the calendar wondering where summer went..but enjoying these last few weeks of it..Anyway what I'm trying to say is..if I don't blog for awhile-that is why. I'll just keep it here for when the feeling hits me..and time allows me..much love to all.

Acupuncture

If you have ever considered acupuncture--i am here to tell you its worth trying out. There was a period of time where i was having neck and back pain that gave me headaches. I tried chiropractic care and it didn't help me. It would help but my muscles never held the adjustments. Whatever he adjusted would go "out" within a few days. I was soon paying to see him every single week and not liking it. Even with just paying a copay--it got expensive since I needed to go so much. Eventually he realized he wasn't helping me. I tried all kinds of things--my muscles do react strongly to cold and stress..but acupuncture is the only thing that has kept me pain free for long periods of time. I go every two to three months and get immediate relief that lasts. I was skeptical at first, believe me- I'd never pay for something that didn't really work. But it has worked and been my answer--for the past two years. The needles do not "feel" like they are there. You really don't feel much to be honest, and cupping is something she does on my back using glass jars--it leaves a "hickey" mark but the relief to my back muscles is well worth it. No medical doctor has provided me with that much relief. Acupuncture is great for any type of inflammation/pain so if you aren't getting anywhere with other treatments, it is well worth trying.

9 Lasts

9 Lasts Last Place You Were: Well I was just in the sunporch letting the dogs outside..but the last place place was near the Ocean in Maine.... Last Drug I used: prevacid.......Last Beverage: milk. It was in my cereal which I had for a snack........... Last kiss: Hubby.........................Last movie seen: The River King on DVD...................Last Phone Call: my mother..................Last CD I played: PINK...................Last bubble bath: hmmm. maybe last year? I haven't had time for bubble baths in awhile :(.........Last time you cried: during a movie...............(OK how come i can't hit enter and have my sentences start wherever i want on here? Anyone? Clues? )

Even more sure

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

what would Jesus eat?

So there is a diet called "What Would Jesus Eat?"...you eat only the foods Jesus would have eaten apparently. Fish, salads with oil and vinegar, vegetables and bread and wine. That's all fine and good..but let's be realistic. Jesus only ate those things because there weren't other choices!!! Ben and Jerry's didn't exist. My guess is, if Jesus were around today- he'd be partaking in a little Chunky Monkey from Ben and Jerry's..because walnuts. chocolate. banana flavor?? Heavenly. He'd surely think so too. I am also sure he might need a Grande Mocha Frappuchino from Starbucks or a medium Hazelnut coffee with cream and sugar from Dunkin. In fact I am sure that Jesus would suggest we all partake in a bit of heavenly sugar and chocolate now and then. It's only right.

Mid Summer Thoughts

* In another month I'll be teaching first graders. Teaching is what I love most (next to writing) and that age is so much fun. I am really excited.. *I'm still watching Big Brother All Stars. But the stupidity of some of my favorite players is confusing me. Might as well hand the money over to Dr. Will and Boogie. (I don' t like them but they have succeeded in brainwashing others). ...*Mel Gibson needs rehabilitation alright. But do they make rehab for bigots? Honestly. His father thinks the Holocaust was mostly fiction. Its no wonder Mel is the way he is. Scary and sad. Bigotry is taught. *I miss Grey's Anatomy. I'm needing a McDreamy fix. One good reason for Fall... *My McChild is on the verge of his last year of child-ness. It scares me. *J.Lo perfume smells really good. Shhhh. Buy it but don't tell people you're wearing "J.Lo"... *Maine blueberry crumb pie is the best on the planet. * WHY do they put Ben and Jerry's in the center of places I like to shop? Why? Isn't that an oxymoron? Eat 88 grams of fat in that ice cream and then go try on clothes. Not cool. We need some kind of celery outlet in the center of all those stores! *I love my husband so much. But I do wish Marcellus from Big Brother could come live with me. So we could gossip and discuss moisturizers and take bubble baths...*If I get stressed at all this year I'm going to close my eyes and think of the ocean..and being back there in July..

RockStar Supernova

Ok I'm trying here to cut the guys some slack..but come onnnnn..when you start keeping contestants because of the way they affect your genitalia...well then this competition just seems silly. Zayra has been in the bottom three how many times now??? And she's still here. And she does her thing and they stare and point because she arouses them..duh we know that. So don't waste our time telling us you keep her because she "changes it up each week" and "we want to see if you'll be right for our band"..give me a break. She's not even a great singer..her heavy accent makes it hard to even understand half of the things she sings..but she chooses risque outfits and flirts incessantly..!!! So of course. She's still. THERE. (UG)

Booze talks

Dear Mr. Gibson, Alcohol is like truth serum..the truth came out..I'm sad for you and your inner demons. Won't be rushing to see any of your movies anytime soon. Small and narrow minds don't interest me.